The holiday created by greeting card and chocolate companies is a major theme for February. Are you seeing things through rose colored glasses or are you just seeing red? Do you have your own Valentine, or do you refer to the day as SAD, Singles Awareness Day? No matter your relationship status, the societal pressure of Valentine's Day can feel like a lot.
Unlike the end of the year holidays that focus on togetherness, sharing, and good deeds, V-Day measures "success" on 1) are you coupled up, and 2) if so, do you and your significant other pay attention to each other well enough to know what gift is the best way to express your love. Basically, reading a whole lot of single-minded meaning into life situations and individual personalities that have too many complexities to list. One great pop culture addition to the festivities is Galentine's Day, a celebration of female friendship on February 13. Thank you, Leslie Knope. Something needing more emphasis during the month of love is another "Parks and Recreation" catchphrase, "Treat yo self."
Though the show's official celebration of Treat Yo Self Day is October 13, the call to indulge and lavish yourself with love and self-care is a good practice that hustle culture doesn't want us to think about. But if you don't ever remember to take care of yourself, then what are you going to have left for the partners and pals in your life. Turn your attitude of "I'll sleep when I'm dead" into "If I don't sleep, then I'll be dead sooner." Here is a sampling of books to give you some ideas to focus on loving yourself first.
Everything, Beautiful: A Guide to Finding Hidden Beauty in the World by Ella Frances Sanders (Reflective, Inspirational)
Everyone deserves revelations, the kind that are daily, hugely personal, and very often ephemeral. We are surrounded by beauty-beauty that isn't something we can buy: spiderwebs only seen in the sunlight, the greenish glow of a fox's eyes watching in the dark, or the comforting screech of the subway that takes you to your many futures.
Part meditation, part self-help guide, and part interactive journal, Everything, Beautiful explores what beauty is, why it matters, and how we can find it in our everyday lives. Filled with thoughtful, intimate, and brilliant insights, inspirational quotes, breathtaking illustrations, and space for readers to write, draw, and reflect on their own ideas of beauty, Everything, Beautiful is for anyone who feels they cannot point to beauty any longer, are struggling to see it, or feel that it has left them behind.
Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab (Relatable, Inclusive, How-To)
For someone like me who was never taught that boundaries are a healthy and necessary part of relationships, this book is a revelation. In simple-yet-powerful ways to establish healthy boundaries in all aspects of life.
Rooted in the latest research and best practices used in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), these techniques help us identify and express our needs clearly and without apology--and unravel a root problem behind codependency, power struggles, anxiety, depression, burnout, and more.
Soul Boom: Why We Need a Spiritual Revolution by Rainn Wilson (Heartfelt, Thought-provoking, Humorous)
You might find yourself hard-pressed to find a book on spirituality that could resonate with more than one religion. Surprisingly, comedic actor Rainn Wilson, best known for his role as Dwight Schrute on The Office, comes close to the mark. Sharing his struggles with loss and addiction, Wilson explores the possibility and hope for a spiritual revolution to address today's greatest issues -- mental health, racism and sexism, climate change and economic injustice. With sincere enthusiasm and a playful tone, Wilson highlights the vitality of spirituality in our lives.
Stop People Pleasing and Find Your Power by Hailey Magee (Practical, Instructive, Relatable, Inspirational)
For most of my life I was on this side of the boundaries coin. Like Hailey Magee, I thought that doing anything and everything anyone asked of you all the time was just what a good person did. Her personal stories of staying in situations and relationships far longer than what was good for her made my heart squeeze in recognition of a kindred spirit. After years of ignoring her feelings and needs, Magee needed to reconnect with the "self" she was supposed to be advocating for. You can't express yourself if you're cut off from your feelings. You can't fight for your needs if you don't know what they are. And you can't set boundaries with others until you believe you're worthy of more than the bare minimum.
Combining social science, psychology, and hands-on coaching exercises, Stop People Pleasing teaches you how to connect with your own feelings, needs, and dreams; courageously advocate for yourself in your relationships with friends, family, and colleagues; soothe yourself through the growing pains of healing; and dive headfirst into pleasure and play.
The Power of Writing It Down: A Simple Habit to Unlock Your Brain and Reimagine Your Life by Allison Fallon (Self-Discovery, Instructive, Brain Science)
For anyone who's trying to make sense of their life, who wants to get unstuck from the patterns that hold them back, hear this incredible news: all you need is pen and paper and a few thoughtful writing prompts. You do not have to be a writer to benefit from or use this book. You don't need already be journaling daily. Fallon walks you through exercises to find your words and get down to the why of your old habits to help you reframe them into better ones for present and future you.
Important Note: As someone with diagnosed mental health issues, I am well aware there is no substitute for professional medical and therapeutic help. These books and the other you can find on this list are simply extra tools to help keep you motivated and in touch with learning more about yourself. This isn't one-size-fits-all. As with any advice, take what serves you and leave what doesn't.
