Hesitant To Date Again, Even Post-Vaccination? You're Not Alone.

May 28, 2021

As vaccinations are making it safer to leave the house, many people are considering re-entering the dating arena. Last week, the White House announced a partnership with dating apps to create a feature that allows users to sort matches by vaccination status as part of the Biden administration's July 4 vaccination goals.

Millions of people had to adjust to online dating and apps this past year.

"It was the only option," says Drew Millegan of McMinnville, Ore. He says there was definitely an adjustment period, as he wasn't much of a texter before the pandemic. But he had to learn fast — and now he's even using emojis.

"I guess, if you can call it a skill, I've improved my communication skills over the dating apps over the pandemic," Millegan says. "Which is an interesting side effect."

Nate Rathjen of Leesburg, Va., enjoyed the time-saving function of video dates. He got to talk to matches face-to-face, without a commute.

"That was awesome, because they're first dates," Rathjen says. "You don't really know how they're gonna go, and you could have just spent three hours for nothing."

But with more and more people getting vaccinated, there's less of an excuse to date from home. It's time to actually meet up in person. And even though the health risks are fading, for some people, the barrier is more emotional.

Tammy in San Diego says her transition back to in-person dating has been an awkward one.

"I just went on a date yesterday from a dating app and felt like it went pretty well," she says. But she also noticed several lulls in the conversation.

"Pre-pandemic, when I was seeing people much more regularly, I would be able to bring up another topic of conversation quickly," she says. "But my mind isn't firing on all cylinders as quickly as it used to. So I definitely think it'll take some time for me to be able to socialize as well as I was before."

Damona Hoffman, a dating coach for the online dating site OkCupid, says that even though the desire to connect in person is there, the confidence might not be.

"People are open to dating again but they're still a little bit cautious," she says. "There's still a little bit of hesitancy about just moving offline and throwing caution to the wind."

And after more than a year of solitude and distance from others, that hesitation goes beyond trading apps for in-person dating. Some people are feeling stuck altogether.

"The fear of dating is real," Hoffman says, "and I never want to dismiss that: not being practiced, not feeling like you're in your best skin and able to put your best foot forward right now because we have been so isolated."

But, she says, those people are not as alone as they think — at least, metaphorically.

"You have to remember that everybody else is in the same boat. Dating really is a learned skill," she says. "It's like riding a bike. So once you get back out there and you start having conversations and feeling the butterflies again and making real connections, it will feel more familiar."

Hoffman's advice?

"You just have to start," she says.

Awkward is good; it's human. We've all been through the same thing this year.

"Just go for it," Hoffman says. "And know that everybody else is re-learning along with you."

Even before the pandemic, dating and romance have always come with their own risks: rejection, intimacy, meeting scary relatives. It can be tempting to forego the process altogether. (And there's nothing wrong with being single!) But if it's plain old fear holding you back, just remember: no risk, no reward.

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AILSA CHANG, HOST:

It's Memorial Day weekend, and as vaccinations make it safer to leave the house, it's a great chance to get back out there and socialize and, you know, maybe even date.

AUDIE CORNISH, HOST:

Now, over the past year, for a lot of people, dating has stayed online and on apps mostly because...

DREW MILLEGAN: It was the only option.

CORNISH: That's Drew Millegan in McMinnville, Ore., one of a handful of brave daters we spoke to about how it's going now and how they made it through the past year. He says it was definitely an adjustment period. He wasn't much of a texter before the pandemic, for example, but he learned fast.

MILLEGAN: And now I'm using emojis. I guess if you can call it a skill, I've improved my communication skills over the dating apps over the pandemic, which is an interesting side effect.

CHANG: Nate Rathjen in Leesburg, Va., also really liked the time and money-saving function of video dates. He got to talk to matches face-to-face without a commute.

NATE RATHJEN: That was awesome because, you know, it's - they're first dates. Like, you don't really know how they're going to go, and you could have just spent three hours for nothing.

CORNISH: With more and more people vaccinated, there's going to be less of an excuse to date from home.

RATHJEN: It definitely seems like more people are getting out there. There's, like, sort of this awakening out of the hibernation, you know?

CORNISH: It's time to actually meet up in person. If you're fully immunized, the health risks are very low. But for some people, the barrier is more emotional.

TAMMY: I just went on a date yesterday from a dating app, and I felt like it went pretty well. But at some points, there was, like, lulls in the conversation.

CHANG: I relate, Tammy in San Diego, who is using her first name only for privacy reasons. She says her transition back to in-person dating has been an awkward one.

TAMMY: Pre-pandemic, when I was seeing people much more regularly, I would be able to, you know, bring up another topic of conversation quickly. But my mind isn't, like, firing on all cylinders as quickly as it used to. So I definitely think it'll take some time for me to be able to socialize as well as I was before.

CHANG: So even though the desire to connect in person is there, the confidence might not be after a year of solitude and distancing.

DAMONA HOFFMAN: There's still a little bit of hesitancy about just, you know, moving offline and throwing caution to the wind.

CORNISH: Damona Hoffman is a dating coach for the matchmaking site OkCupid.

HOFFMAN: The fear of dating is real, and I never want to dismiss that - not being practiced, not feeling like you're in your best skin and able to put your best foot forward right now because we have been so isolated.

CORNISH: She says if you're feeling anxious, know that you are not alone.

HOFFMAN: You have to remember that everybody else is in the same boat. Dating really is a learned skill. It's like - and it's like riding a bike. So once you get back out there and you start having conversations and feeling the butterflies again and making real connections, it will feel more familiar. But you just have to start.

CHANG: And awkward is good, Hoffman says. It's human. We've all been through the same thing this year.

HOFFMAN: Just go for it, and know that everybody else is relearning along with you.

CHANG: Even before the pandemic, dating and romance have come with risks - rejection, intimacy and, of course, meeting scary relatives. I can definitely relate to that one. So yeah, it can be tempting to skip the whole process altogether. Besides, there is nothing wrong with being single. Take it from me.

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